March 2025 Review

This past December, I decided to the 12 Magical Nights Ritual to set my intentions and manifest awesomeness for 2025 (I will be happy to go over this ritual towards the end of the year). I made the decision to pull a tarot card each night to set the intention and energy for each month of the year. I would do the mini tarot reading for the month, write it in my yearly "Goal" journal, do the ritual (outside), and then come back in and describe what happened, how I felt, and what went through my head while performing it in the journal as well. I decided that at the end of each month, I would review the entry I made and see what how it coincided with my experience and then do another tarot pull to see what I should take away from that month.

March has come and gone, so let's see just what happened...

The card pulled: The Devil

Here's literally what I wrote in my journal for the meanings I felt I needed to remember about the card for the month:

• Mystery

• Magic

• Fate

• Shadow self

• Living in fear

• Use discretion in business

My heart kind of sank when this card came up. I immediately wanted to just stop the whole ritual three days in! I had pulled two other great cards for the the previous months, now this?! Then, I tried to rationalize and say to myself, "Hey, maybe it's the 'mystery' part. Or better yet, 'magic'! It doesn't necessarily mean anything bad...right?!" I was literally begging myself to believe that it wasn't going to be anything really fearful. This time, I wasn't too excited to outside and with my little candle, jar, and matches. I wasn't very joyous heading out in the December rain. It was cold and windy and now, I wasn't sure what March was going to end up bringing me. My squatty brown candle blew out several times. My wish did not want to stay lit. I was determined though. As much as I could have just said, "screw it!" I wanted to believe that good would come out of this. I wanted to see this thing through. So, I found the wind and rain and refused to give up. I kept thinking, "nothing will happen if i just give in. I am holding on to this wish, this hope...even if March ends up sucking hard!" Then after several attempts, I finally got the pieces of the wish to light and stay lit...with a brand new match that I lit with the candle and used to set the paper on fire in the jar. It had finally caught and it burned brightly. I was proud of myself for not giving up.

So, how did March end up going? Well, if you read the January and February reviews, you know that despite the positive cards I had pulled, the year was not off to a good start. One thing after another just kept happening and strangely, I was handling pretty well for the most part. When March showed up, I remember the card I had pulled. And now, it made sense. All the hard stuff had been happening already! It wasn't a new terrible thing to happen. In fact, the card wasn't even scary compared to what I had thought.

We ended up have some financial relief, but it just seemed to come and go. I was emotionally struggling with the political climate of both the USA and Canada, knowing that now my plans for our normal summer vacation to the States was not looking too promising with too much to risk with what was happening at the boarders. The thought of not seeing my family all year...or longer, broke my heart. I was stressed beyond belief. By the time Spring Break came for the kids, I was ready to just relax and be numb for a while. And you know what?! I did. I actually let myself enjoy just bumming around the house, playing video games, and hanging out with my family. It was seriously something I have never been able to do. I gave myself a break. Maybe too big of break. I didn't want it to end! Unfortunately, it had to.

The kids went back to routine, but I struggled. I had relaxed so much that everything started to pile up. I had so much that now needed to be down and my executive functioning had decided to run off with my motivation and I was stuck. Of course, with those two gone, the only things left to fill the void was guilt and shame. You know, my two "besties" (eyeroll). I went "rollin' with the homies" right down into depression (please tell me you sang that! IYKYK)

With that depression, I lost hope for my business. I started to feel that Imposter Syndrome settling in and just gave up on myself altogether. Things were not coming together like I had hoped they would. And I just started to believe that the market is flooded and who the hell am I that anyone would want to hear what I have to say. March was not good for me mentally and emotionally and the toll has pretty heavy.

On the last day of the month though...I had a break through. And it wasn't something I was expecting. You see, I have been going to therapy pretty consistently for two decades. I have done a lot of work only my own personal healing journey through my past trauma. I have a therapist and a psychotherapist working with me. However, I had an appointment (as a gift) to a spiritual healer. It was a zoom call so I was able to stay comfortably in my bed as she guided me through a meditation and did her thing. Let me preface by saying I have a hard "imagining" things. I believe it's a part of my autism. I have to talk to gurus to figure out how to even try to guided meditation. It's actually how I know when I am getting messages. I "see" them like a movie. It's amazing. But I don't have access to that for my own imaginative purposes normally. That day, she guided me through something. I can't even tell you what it was because I couldn't imagine it anyway. But then...I did see something! I saw SOMEONE! I saw...ME! A toddler me. If you haven't had the experience of talking to your child self, I highly suggest starting the process with someone. The spiritual healer walked me through a conversation with my younger self and it ended with me deciding to carry her inside my chest. A place to hear her, to meet her needs, and to protect her. It was a life changing process for me. And I truly believe it was the biggest win in my healing journey in all these years! And an amazing way to end such a crappy month.

To look back at that card again, let's see what happened:

• Mystery? Yeah, I still had no idea what was happening in my life.

• Magic? I feel like I got to experience a little...in a big way during that healing session.

• Fate? I think this has to do with things were already set in motion from the previous months.

• Shadow Self? This definitely speaks to me about my younger self and her place in me now.

• Living in fear? Yep. No doubt that took place.

• Use discretion in business? I am glad I didn't make any business moves...I had wanted to just quit.

The card wasn't as scary as I had thought back in December. I mean, it definitely wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, but I learned things from March. Some things I didn't want to learn that particular way and some things in the most amazing way you could. But at least I was learning, right?! And with that, the card that I pulled to sum up what I should take away from all the "growing opportunities" in March:

Temperance: A call to embrace the flow. Remember that you get what you give so stay in balance. And moderation is key.

Yep. That made sense. Learning to embrace all that was coming and going...is coming and going as I type this, will be and ongoing lesson for me.

The next cards I pulled was for the mini reading for April. I knew I wanted to continue doing those. If you go back and look at February's mini read for March...WOW! It hit spot on, even ways I didn't mention in this post.

What to expect from April: King of Wand REVERSED- Opportunities might come up for you to act impulsively, but don't. Listen to guidance.

How to handle April: The High Priestess- Take a step back and see how things really are. Take time to self reflect.

The end results of April: 5 of Wands- You'll need to learn to control your anger. Use communication to get on the same page as others.

Ummmm...why do I feel like I am headed right for another month full of learning opportunities? I guess that's what this all is, right? Opportunities. And I learn to use them for good and grow, or I can use them for harm and wallow in despair. It's up to me. It's all up to me.