April 2025 in Review

This past December, I decided to the 12 Magical Nights Ritual to set my intentions and manifest awesomeness for 2025 (I will be happy to go over this ritual towards the end of the year). I made the decision to pull a tarot card each night to set the intention and energy for each month of the year. I would do the mini tarot reading for the month, write it in my yearly "Goal" journal, do the ritual (outside), and then come back in and describe what happened, how I felt, and what went through my head while performing it in the journal as well. I decided that at the end of each month, I would review the entry I made and see what how it coincided with my experience and then do another tarot pull to see what I should take away from that month. I have also started doing a mini 3 card pull to give me a heads up for the next month.

This year has already gone so fast and April has ended. So, let's review what happened in April:

The card I pulled: The Knight of Pentacles

When I journaled the reading, these are the meanings that stuck out that I wrote down:

• Trustworthy and brave

• Reliable

• Patience

• Strength

• Finishing Tasks

• Profitable

This was much better than March's card! I was a bit relieved that the previous night's prediction of March had not leaked into April. Whew! Not only that, but going outside to perform the 4 evening of the 12 Magical Nights Ritual, I was greeted with much better weather than the night beforehand's wind and rain. It was so much peaceful. This had to be a good omen, right?! Between the relief of a more positive and and the much more enjoyable night, I was able to light the wish with more bravery. From the beginning of the 12 Magical Nights, I had been a bit fearful of burning myself while the wish burned. Because of that fear, I would drop it quite quickly into my burning jar causing it to go extinguish itself. Then I would have to figure out a way to burn it while in the jar as to not risk seeing what the wish was. It was a great source of frustration for me. But this night, I learned that I could hold it longer without risk of being burned. Learning that I was safe to keep it aflame in my hands meant that there would be less worry about what all needed to still be burned in the mason jar. That doesn't mean that it still didn't take a couple attempts with the used and re lit match to set a fire again, but it was easier. On top of that, I figured out how to gently blow into the jar at the right angle to ensure that the whole wish was consume and turned to ash once the actual flame went out. I felt confident in April.

Should I have though? This is where I wish my laptop keyboard had a "face-palm" emoji. Ugh. April started with me having to make the big decision not to travel in the States this summer...this year...this administration. And with that, having a fight with mom. The previous month had given me the opportunity to start a relationship with my toddler/child self and that meant fighting for and protecting her. It's strange how certain circumstances we experience may not seem to affect us. A little misunderstanding, a small mishap, a seemingly minor offense that you learn to shrug off because it doesn't seem worth it to the "adult you" can be retraumatizing and heartbreaking to your inner child. That's what happened. My "little Kay" was hurt and I stuck up for her. In the end, my mom and I didn't speak for for like a week and that was devastating to me as she is also one of my best friends. Fortunately, I am blessed with a mom who takes accountability for the past and present and we were able to heal and be stronger for it. But during that time my husband and I had difficulties, my best friend's husband's posting to another province became clear it was happening sooner than later, and we learned that as much as we have tried to protect our kids from evil...sometimes it still gets in and hurts them. It was one of the most emotionally taxing periods of my adult life. April also restarted me on a journey of learning more and more about myself. Some major fears and paranoia made for some horrible days and big decisions needed to be made on what I was going to do for my mental health going forward. Between deciding that it's time to get set up to try treatments that in the past have scared me (EMDR) and letting relationships go that taxed me, I think that I made some big leaps for myself.

I also did something last month that shocked everyone who knows, including myself...I went to church. No, not your "typical church". Yes, I am still going. It had been years. There's a lot of trauma for me when it comes to it (someday I will post about it). It still shocks me that I went that first Sunday. But it shows that something is going on in me. Life is changing and taking curves and dips that I am not anticipating. And as stressful and scary as it has been so far this year, the ride is not done. There's so much to experience, and yes...enjoy...if I don't let it get the best of me.

Easter also happened. Here in our neighborhood, it's a big deal. I have organized a big egg hunt the past few years and this year was no different, except that time got a way from me! I don't know if it was stress or just the cockiness of being really well-versed in the whole set up, but I BARELY got things done! It went off just as normal as before though, thankfully. But it took a toll on me afterwards and had to take a few days' break. So, my month ended in down time.

It's harder for me to see the results in favor for April's card pull this time:

• Trustworthy and Brave? I stood up for my inner child AND I went back to church.

• Reliable? My mom. She came through in humility.

• Patience? I didn't freak out as much as I would have in the past.

• Strength? Handling my child's pain and all the other hardships definitely showed my strength.

• Finishing tasks? I guess I can say the Easter Egg Hunt? I am struggling with this one.

• Profitable? If we are talking mentally and emotionally, I can definitely see growth.

I know the card didn't play out as happy as I was wanting it, but it wasn't wrong. I feel like I am seeing a pattern here of my thoughts and expectations for these Magical Nights reading and what God is trying to show me. Isn't that just how it is though? Too bad it's not a lesson I easily learn! And looking back at the mini April forecast reading I did in March (in the March review) really hit the nail on the head! Several times! Needing to take a step back and see things the way they really are...seeing myself for who I really am and controlling my anger and impulsivity, and being able to communicate all of it was key. So, of course I pulled a card again to see what I should take from the month of April:

The Devil: Shadow self. Living in fear.

Seriously, though...again?! But we learned from last month, that card is about dealing with those tough subjects. Learning about my shadow and working with it. Not being ruled by my fear. Things that April showed me were still struggles and still very much growing opportunities.

Once again, I pulled for May. I am really enjoying to this little ritual of my own to prepare for the next month in my own little way.

What to expect for May: 4 of Wands- People start to recognize you for all the good stuff you do and who you are. Secure and comfortable. Time to celebrate.

How should I handle May: 5 of Wands- By controlling your anger and using communication to get on the same page.

What lesson should I learn in May: Ace of Swords REVERSED- Set realistic goals.

I can tell you now, that just reading those as I type them, I know that May will be jammed packed of interesting moments. And once again, being told to control my anger and communicate? God is good at giving us opportunity to figure out things, even when we fight against them every step of the way.